TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY

Travels During My 47 Years on Earth They say that travel broadens the mind. I say it lightens the wallet. But if you're lucky, it may add a few tavern-worthy stories to your repertoire. Actually, nothing makes a trip by train, plane or automobile more worthwhile than a celebrity encounter. My wife, Heidi, and yours truly have had many. A brief rundown of the famous, the often weird places they pop up in, and our very own special moments with them include: * Fred ``Mr. Everybody'' Travalena, on board a ship somewhere off the coast of Jamaica, where the impressionist who used to get television work insisted ``everybody in Hollywood wants to work the cruise ship circuit.'' Sure, just likely every cruise passenger wants to be cornered in the elevator by a has-been. * Peter Jennings, on the streets of New York, where the ABC newsman said ``hello'' to Heidi as I walked by oblivious to the whole encounter. Shortly after she asked ``didn't you see him?,'' her wheelchair broke down. Coincidence? We think not. * Richard Simmons, on the streets of architecturally-picturesque Columbus, Ind., where I urged Heidi to race up for campy patter and an autograph. She threatened divorce; I left with nothing more than a lousy photograph of the diet guru, taken from the window of our Chevy. * Tommy Lee Jones, power shopping Neiman Marcus on Chicago's Magnificent Mile, where we kept our distance and the clerks said he was mean to them. He also looked really old and bald. But hey, far be it from us to take cheap shots at the rich and famous. * Bob Vila, at Rumplemyers' fine Central Park South location, where the bearded and burly one was downing a sundae piled high as the Chrysler Building. My supervisor at the time was the Columbus Dispatch newspaper's Old House Handyman columnist. I thought I'd curry favor, perhaps even an afternoon off, bringing back a signed photo of TV's home improvement whiz for the boss. But I soon demurred, realizing that getting between Bob and his ice cream was about as wise as hopping into the gorilla habitat at the Bronx Zoo.