HP: HOW DO I NOT LOVE THEE

LET ME COUNT THE WAYS

HP--4-day delivery by donkey in the get it to you in 2 hours era?

I desperately need to print out event tickets.

I go to print on my HP printer-scanner.

Nothing.

Try again.

Zilch.

Then get dialogue box – out of cyan (why can’t we call it blue?) so printer can’t print.

No problem, I’ll switch to black ink only (grayscale) and I’ll have it in a jiffy.

Locks up again, another nasty dialogue box.

Printer won’t work till I refill cyan.

I root around, swear I have a cartridge…find none.

Who made it so you have to order color ink to make a lousy black and white print out?

Dialogue box now directing me to HP site.

Free next business day shipping.

Okay, I’ll bite.

It’s early Saturday, so I’ll get it first thing Monday.

Maybe I’ll even get it Sunday, since Amazon and others can get rare things to me in 2 hours, so why can’t giant HP get it in my hands in 24 hours.

Monday, nothing.

Tracking number not even working, 48 hours after order.

I get a request from a client and have to print our reports by early Tuesday.

Surely, next day business delivery has to mean Tuesday, because it’s the next day after business Monday.

But tracking number still worthless.

I waste time Tuesday first thing, running to the store to buy exact same thing I ordered way back on Saturday.

Finally, after I basically bought two of same thing, I get an update that cyan cartridge will be delivered Wednesday.

I also get a note reminding me that warranty void if I used non-HP ink.

I resent the mob tactics.

I get to thinking how HP operates on the schoolyard drug dealer business model.

Give the stuff out dirt cheap (the printer itself) cash in (outrageous ink prices) once the client is hooked.

Way past noon Wednesday, ink cartridges (I ended up buying a full rainbow of colors online on Saturday) finally arrive.

Is there anyone on earth, who does business in today’s two-hour delivery window, instant message with every continent world, that thinks delivery late on a Wednesday = next day delivery (from an order 4 days earlier on a Saturday?)